I Got Dreams, Turned 'Em Into Plans

I had a terrible dream about one of my exes moving back in with me. Same old habits, making a fool out of me, putting on a show for others, treating me like I'm beneath him...a piece of property, someone to keep controlled...behind closed doors. This is the first time for this dream. Usually it's one of 2 recurring dreams. 1. Me trying to escape some devastating circumstance. Using my creativity and resources to save me and the kids. Or 2. I bought this enormous house and have to live in it with a bunch of people I can't stand because they bring me down and are fake behind my back. But since I bought it, I get the best portion of it, usually hidden from the general public but glorious to behold. I feel like I probably need to talk to someone about these dreams. Regardless, they are ingrained in my subconscious with no apparent rhyme or reason. I pray this new dream doesn't become part of the repertoire.

These dreams make me wonder if God's trying to tell me something. Oddly enough the scripture of the day says "Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O Lord, my strength, and my redeemer." Psalm 19:14 KJV I know I'm scared to death of repeating the past. I know I'm scared to death to find myself surrounded by people that are bad for me again. I'm so afraid of disappointing my Father in heaven. And I don't want to hide myself anymore. My faith, my failures, my successes, my hopes...my core being. Phillipians 4:8 says "Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things."

So maybe I'm thinking on the wrong things. Letting the wrong things get in my subconscious. One of my church sisters said to me not long ago that I don't like myself and she doesn't know why. Maybe she's right? My bishop said this to me that same day. You have to choose to be a light. For all the people looking up to you, you have to choose God and His ways. Maybe all my fears are coming out in my subconscious. Maybe my insecurities have turned into reality by my choices. And my choices a result of how I think. Oh heck no, techno! Let's start breaking this cycle by bringing back into light what God thinks about us. What He thinks about ME!

In Jesus Christ:

I am loved (John 3:16)
I am God's (1 John 3:1)
I am worthy (Zephaniah 3:17)
I am purposed (Jeremiah 29:11)
I am redeemed (Ephesians 1:7)
I am called (Isaiah 43:1)
I am light (Matthew 5:14)
I am chosen (Revelation 17:14)
I am a saint of God (Romans 1:7)
I am a servant (Acts 26:16)
I am a steward (1 Peter 4:10)
I am a soldier (2 Timothy 2:3)
I am a witness (Acts 1:8)
I am a worker (Ephesians 2:10)
I am victorious (1 Corinthians 16:57)
I have a glorious future (Romans 8:18)
I am a citizen of Heaven (Philippians 3:20)
I am an ambassador (2 Corinthians 5:20)

SAY IT LOUDER FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK!!! Say it over and over. Until it gets deep down in there. Print this list, hang it on your mirror, repeat it to yourself every day, and BELIEVE IT! Not just for you but for your future, your family, your choices, those whom you influence, and for Jesus. He believes in us. He has plans for us. He expects us to be good stewards of everything He's given us, and that includes our minds. I pray you join me in this endeavor.

God's plans

I find myself ruminating on God's perfect will. If I'm honest, I've made so many mistakes that there's minimal chance I've followed His perfect will for my life. I think there are times when I've listened to what He has spoken to my heart and followed through with it, even though it was challenging, and was rewarded for my efforts with blessings that have resonated through my entire life. My career path and my children, to give 2 examples. God has shown up big and gloriously in those 2 areas in many ways. And I am grateful.  In other areas, however, I have apparently not yet learned the lesson. And I struggle greatly. In these areas I find myself wondering if God is displeased with me.  If He's punishing me because I am messing it up. If I will ever learn.

While I do think there is discipline for unruly behavior and arrogance/conceit,(see Deuteronomy chapter 8), I also know there is grace for our humanity (see 2 Corinthians 12:9). And I also know that God's perfect love casts out doubt and fear (see 1 John 4:18). God is love! (1 John 4:8). Check your emotions, people. Where are they coming from? Holy Spirit's gentle nudge? Or the enemy's desire to cause shame, fear, guilt, etc? Do your actions line up with the Word of God? Are you acting out of anything besides God's love for you and your desire to serve Him? Take heart in the fact that God knows our struggles, he wants to be invited into them, not hidden from. He knows we don't have our stuff together. And He loves us anyway. Let's get after it together! 

Impatience is NOT a Virtue. (Revised)

What's my least favorite phrase besides "no"? Wait. Why? Because "wait" implies there's a possibility of no. There's no boundaries. No limits. Endless scenarios play out in my mind. No direction or idea of what is to come. It's maddening! The other reason I hate waiting is because I don't know what to do with myself in the meantime and I'm afraid I will lose focus on what I want. Interesting...

The words of one of my favorite songs comes to mind though. "Take courage my heart, stay steadfast my soul. He's in the waiting. Hold on to your hope as your trials unfold. He's never failing."

Scripture puts it this way:

But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.

Isaiah 40:31 KJV

For evildoers shall be cut off: but those that wait upon the Lord , they shall inherit the earth.

Psalms 37:9 KJV

The funny thing about being impatient is that I have no governor. I go until I can't. On my own steam, my own ideas, my own timing. Then I get tired and irritated and feel empty. But what does scripture say? Those that wait have strength, energy, and are limitless. Also, they are given the keys to the kingdom: inherit the earth...what!? So now go back to the beginning of this post. Turn everything I tried to make negative into a positive by the grace of God. 

With God: 

There's a possibility of yes or better than yes: His plan!

There's no boundaries or limits

There's endless scenarios and options

I can trust that He knows and is planning my best life

I can rest and not worry because I am not in control

I can focus on what He wants me to focus on: Him

Prayer:

Lord, I give up control and the right to run my life. I give You back what should have been Yours all along: me! Take my life and let it be used for Your glory Jesus. I submit to You again. Govern my heart and remind me frequently of Your immense love and plan for me, even now. After all the things I've had to heal from and get over, You remain my biggest fan and best friend. You are the reason...all the reasons. And I love You. Thank You Jesus... I pray all in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen