Today as I sat to spend time with Jesus I felt anxious. Unable to relax. Unfocused. My mind was a whir of activity. So I started to pay attention to the things that were whirling around in my mind. Thoughts of my past. Things I did wrong. Messages from preachers that highlighted my errors. My ever growing task list. Things I am hoping for. So 1 by 1 I started to give those things to the Lord. As they came to mind, I gave them to Him. Focus and peace came and I began to read a scripture the Lord had led me to a few days ago in 1 Samuel 3. I read all the way from 1 Samuel 3:1 to 1 Samuel 10:8. It talks about Samuel's calling and his judgement over the people of the land that were worshiping idols, committing lawlessness. How the Philistines destroyed the people of Israel and stole the Ark of the Covenant. And how the Ark was returned to the people of Israel once the Philistines realized God's power and judgement on them for stealing it.
Then, God dealt with His own people. Making them clean. Showing them the requirements of holiness. And finally finding favor and rest with them once they obeyed. For a time, there was peace. The ark rested back in the hands of Israel. But then...the people got restless again. They begged for a king to rule them...instead of desiring to walk with the Lord and letting Him guide them. God even showed them through Samuel what it would look like to have a king. He will use their children as servants. He will appoint captains over armies. He will force them to plant and reap his harvests. Make instruments of war and chariots. He'll take your land and hard earned money. But they didn't care. They begged and cried for their own way until God gave it to them. He gave them Saul.
Upon reflection, I realized that I was just like the people of Israel. Setting up my own desires as idols. Demanding my own way until God gave it to me. Then when He did, I realized what a terrible error it was. When I tried to do right, it was too late. I fell into despair. Trying everything I could except full surrender to God to feel better. But God had other plans and man am I glad He did. Because when we fully surrender our lives to Him, He changes everything about us in the best ways possible.
So back to the beginning where my mind was a whir. The Lord helped me realize that I was grieving my past. Grieving time lost. Grieving my choices and outcomes. What could have been vs what was. And He showed me that He too grieves when we make these choices...knowing that things could have been so much different had we chosen Him instead of the kings we set up for our lives. He longs for His people to choose Him and walk with Him and has since the Garden. But we stray time and time again.
But oh what a difference Jesus makes!! I now sit crying happy tears because He has changed me. What people see now bears no resemblance to the treacherous person of the past. My husband has the best version of me. My kids have seen the change Jesus has made. My mom has watched miracle after miracle take place in my life and my heart in such a short amount of time. My family is coming together to worship at the church we love. God is moving in all of our lives. And we love every second. Every refinement. Every lesson we have to learn. Every message we hear from our pastor. Every time we get to experience something new with Jesus.
So what's the point? The point is stop crying for a King and start recognizing all you need is King Jesus! You need NOTHING of what the world has to offer. Nothing. It only creates a bigger hole in your soul and a bigger gap between you and the One who made you. But here's the good news. It's never too late. You can always come back. He is always waiting. And the Bible tells us that if we call out to Him, He will listen and deliver us (Matthew 14:30, Psalm 34:17, Psalm 18:6). If we take a step of faith towards Him, He will take a step towards us (James 4:8). A call to repentance but also to Grace.
That's the best news I've heard ever...try it, friends. In the words of the song "Cry out to Jesus" (Third Day).
Be blessed, all!
Love, Natalie
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