God Uses It All

There was a time in my life not too terribly long ago that my mom and I didn't talk. She shared with me recently that talking to me was like talking to a stranger and like everything she said was wrong in my eyes. At that same time, my older kids walked away from me and I had nobody to blame but myself. I was the person Paul spoke about to Timothy in 2 Timothy chapter 3: self-focused, greedy, ungrateful, unholy, profane, calloused, immoral, "holding to a form of godliness but denying it's power."  You see, I had allowed the enemy of my soul to make me believe that my way was best. In so doing. I entered a long season of wandering and trying to fix everything myself, having knowledge of God from the foundation of faith my parents tried to help me build, but not really allowing Him Lordship over my life. Had I allowed Him Lordship, I probably would not have entered into 2 extremely abusive marriages, allowing these men to not only harm me but my children. I didn't know the fullness of their harm until I left and was in my right mind. But by that time the damage was done and I had a very hard road back. In fact, 1 of my children is still not interested in repairing the relationship, but I pray and give him to Jesus as often as he comes to my mind. In doing so, I have fully relinquished any control I tried to have over my son and given Jesus what is due: my love and control over my life. My mom and I are able to talk about those years of distance in a way that is now allowing her to mentor me into believing for my son's return not only to me, but to the Father. 

What's the point, you might ask? Romans 8:28 says that "God causes all things to work together for good for those who love God, to those who are called according to His plan and purpose." This tells me that: 1. Our God loves us. 2. He requires us to love Him back. 3. When we do that, He takes all our junk and makes it work out for our good. I've told you the badness now let me tell you the goodness. When I was coming out of my dark years, God gave me back to my mom and sister. He gave me friends to rescue me from myself and point me to Jesus. He helped me build a new life in a new town. He showed me that He's all I truly need. I had come to that conclusion long ago and had begun to build a life on that knowledge, but I never fully allowed that knowledge to test and try me. Proverbs 3:5-7 says "Trust in and rely confidently on the Lord with all your heart. And do not rely on your own insight or understanding. In all your ways know and acknowledge and recognize Him. And He will make your paths straight and smooth. Do not be wise in your own eyes; Fear the Lord and turn away from evil."

Today, I am married to a man that loves me, loves Jesus, leads me, loves my children and grandchildren, and supports our family in every way. We have a home that we prayed for. Our children feel safe and secure. We have a church and church family that we adore and who adores us. We are leaning into the knowledge and love of God and growing daily. We are available for God to use in whatever way He sees fit. We have everything we need and much of what we want. We are growing spiritually, emotionally, and financially. Not just me, we. My husband has his own story to tell, but I can tell you that He is also allowing Jesus to change him. He is leaning into the parental love being offered, trusting it and allowing it because God is showing us he CAN trust it and allow it. 

So I leave you with this, a question my husband asked me the other day about 1 of his children's struggles: when giving God control, does that mean we just sit on our hands and wait or do we try to do things that will help?  

And the answer came to him as if from God Himself: "I guess I need to put myself in the shoes of a parent and our kids asking me for help or giving it to me to be in charge because they don't have the answers. But instead of letting me take care of things in the proper timing they feel I am not moving or doing things the way they think it should be done so they just get in the way and do things the best way they know how which just makes a mess of everything and then I not only have to fix the original problem but also have to fix the new one too...so I guess I answered my own question, eh."

Just give it to Jesus. It's so much simpler. Trust Him. Rely on Him. Believe in Him. Listen to Him. Let Him love you. Love Him. Live for Him. I promise you, it's worth it.